Thursday, April 21, 2005

Howard L. McEwen, RIP

Howard McEwen died peacefully in his sleep last night. A Northern Kentucky-based financier, he earned acclaim by investing the proceeds of his vast wealth into innovative and risky start-up companies whose vision and products have come to dominate the American economy. At the same time he lived simply in his beloved Bellevue, Kentucky on the now famous Anspaugh Avenue. He also funded various academic chairs and think-tanks whose work have helped to mold the way Americans think heading in the 22nd century.

Mr. McEwen's vast empire began by offering exceptional financial planning services to middle income families in the Cincinnati area. As word spread of his simple, easy to understand way of explaining the world of financial markets and how to utilize the base principals to increase family wealth, more and more clients were attracted to his practice. Althought his clients devotion to Mr. McEwen has at times been called "cultish," it is noted on his companies website that none have ever complained ...nor ended up in poverty.

He is survived by his wife Alicia, namsake of the Nemetiz class Aircraft Carrier U.S.S. Ali Ann for her devotion to American military preparedness. Ms. McEwen first gained the nation's attention during her Ambassadorship to the former United Nations. It was she who gave the order to have the building evacuated after seeing a mouse and then leveling it - the scrap metal of which was used to build several Bolton-class tanks that have kept far more piece than that former silly organization. The late Mr. McEwen is said of have leapt for joy 20 feet into the air from his lunar hangout known to the shuttle-set as "The Mc-bar-b-quen Pit"

Surviving children include Dagny McEwen the pultizer prize winning writer for art and equine stories whose beauty and wit yet impossibly high standards is said to have inspired the suicide of 23 men when their affections were rebuffed and Harper McEwen, currently an ex-patriate under indictment for instigating a coup d'etat in the African country of Zairbawbe where she installed herself "Queen for Life."

Writing your obit is suppose to give you some perspective.

Stay You.
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