Thursday, May 12, 2005

People I Can't Stand

I need to find something out about myself: I have this almost Pavlovian response to a certain stimulus that forces me to run from the room. Why? I don't understand it.

I can't stand certain celebrities.

I hate Sean Hannity. I hear his voice on a radio promo and get angry. I his face on Fox News and switch the channel. I probably agree with most of his politics, but I'd rather just watch his little reptilian partner Colmes that Hannity. There's a certain pious, sactimonious, smuggness that makes my skin crawl.

I picture him as the non-dope smoker who - when the jay gets passed at the Foghat concert - isn't happy to let it pass on by, but gives the others a lecture about drug abuse and then calls a cop.

I just want to punch this face. I hate him.

And the same goes for Meg Ryan. Can't stand her. I hear the opening Harry Connick, Jr. piano roll of When Harry Met Sally and I have to leave the room. To steal from Lileks today, I'd rather hear someone screech like Fran Drescher fed into a wood chipper, than listen to her delivery leaden dialogue.

I hate that floppy clown-footed walk that she does in every movie that is so awkward that it has to be an affectation. I hate the slopped shoulder posture. She has maybe 2 more expressions that William Shatner. She's can't act. Every shot of every movie seems like a self-conscious uncomfortable pose.

This Meg Ryan thing seems a bit unnatural. I like blondes. I mean I really like blondes. It's not that brunettes are ugly to me, it's just that there's no trigger. I don't understand it. Don't want to (maybe I was born this way), but this does nothing for me. Nor this or this. And none of these.

Comments desired.

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