Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Welcome Blog Explosion Dregs/ Jesus v. Mohammed - Grudge Match

Regular readers: The first section of this post is to new blogexplosion readers. Please skip it. I don't even want you associating with those dregs. It is only for them. Your daily dose of Howard is below.
Dear Blog Explosion Jerks,
The drama of the house fire has passed and now it's back to ginning up my site meter. My usual readers haven't helped out much so now it's up to you the blogexplosion dregs. I don't like you. You're full of blogs about cats or lefty or righty thumbsucking rants. Here's a hint. No one likes cats and if you're going to be a political blogger/writer, why don't you try doing some reading first. In the off chance you can compose a sentence structure above the 5th grade level and may actually have a smidgen of humor or insight, you can stay. If not, go away.

I'm only turning to you because I have no alternative. You're my shylock. Your the equivalent of a computer dating service. And I'm not talking about that nice looking Dr. Neil Clark Warren e-harmony kind of dating service. I'm talking about the kind on that one Charlies Angels where the Angels have to go undercover to a dating service that's really a front for a white slavery ring. That's what you are! Oh sure, it's funny when Kate Jackson goes on a date with that loser while Farrah fertively sneaks out the computer files. But we all know it's a slime pit and Jacelyn Smith is going to blow the whole thing wide open. In fact, you're not even that good, you're the episode about a dating service from the Shelley Hack years.

So please note all blogexplosion visitors, I don't like you. I'm only using you because I need the affirmation that only a rapidly spinning site meter can provide. Sure the love in the eyes of my wife and children are nice, but that only goes so far. 3,500 hit a day average on a sitemeter. Now that means something.
Libya has closed it's Denmark embassy, the house of Saud is mad and even friendly little Kuwait is ticked. All because some Dane published some funny drawing of the prophet. Here's wikipedia's take. Cool. So someone does some doodles, the Euros actually stand up to the Arab street and now things are getting tense. The Arab street is burning flags. Oh, no. I want to go hide under the bed.

Look, you stone age twits, don't get your turbans all twisted over this. Like it or not, your in the modern world. Haven't Bush's smart bombs convinced you of that? In the modern world you can dick around with our Gods all we want and no one even bats an eye. If someone does bat and eye, they will be labeled intolerance.

A few weeks ago some dumbass kayne West posed as Christ on a mag cover. Here's Lewis Black's book Nothing Sacred. Yep, Abdulla, believe your eyes. that's a Jew mugging for the camera replacing the Savior in the Pieta. Here's the original statue. Yep, he made fun of the final act of the Passion - even putting himself in the place of the Christ - and we shrug and rollover.

That's because we's modern. Now if Kanye or Black had any guts (they know nobody's going to get mad at them) they'd do a few jokes about the prophet. That's enough material there.

So lighten up you Mid East crazies. Go buy some of the nice Danish butter coookies and don't be so touchy.

Stay You.
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