Thursday, March 09, 2006

The Gayest Show On Earth

Apologies to Ringling Brothers for the post title but I'm still psyched from taking the girls to the Blue Tour last Friday night. At 35 I find the trapeze artists - now referred to as "Sky Surfers" and the high-wire walkers - now "wire runners" the more boring acts. Give me clowns and Chinese Acrobats!

On to business ....

Moonbatty just won't shut up about gay this and gay that. As noted by others, Wilde's "the love that dare not speak its name" has become "the love that just won't shut up." But I did promise her that I'd name and discuss the gayiest TV show ever aired. Not only was it the gayiest but it's also lauded as an exemplar of family programming.

It was April of 1997 when Ellen Degenerate's sitcom went uberqueer. The Bible thumpers were rending their garments in despair over the decline of tv (you can't decline from rock bottom) and the Up-With-Gay-People crowd was trying to foist Ellen ever higher on their shoulders as a trail blazer - as her rating were diving.

Watching all this I thought, this is no big deal. Hell, back in 1960 a twangy hick launched a gay revolution with a show full of so many limp-wristed lisping characters that I don't see how it got past the censors.

Of course I'm talking about Desilu's The Andy Griffith Show.

Surprized? Your surprize is only testiment to the fact that you've been brain washed by our culture to think it's a "family" show. It is a "family" show, just not a traditional family.

My Proof:
On the show there are no "traditional" families. In fact the only regular character that is married is Otis the Town Drunk. Other "traditional" families include episode only characters that are quarrelling and need the gay-patriarch Andy to come help them work it out with his ah-shucks charm and homespun gay advice. Traditional families are always represented as dysfunctional and needing assistance from the gay characters. They were pulling this crap in 1960 and getting away with it.

Andy's own family of course suffered the loss of Andy's wife. The show is silent on that. Now that's a love that dare not speak it's name! Sure a traditional family is cobbled together with the addition of Aunt Bea, but a greying house frau does not a mom or Oppie make. A gay guy living with a strong mother figure - go figure! Besides, Aunt Bea doesn't even have a southern accent - that upstate New Yawk if its anything.

Sure, I know that Andy had Helen Crump and Barney had Thelma Lou, but those are obvious beards! The relationships were never consumated. The sexuality was toned down to zero degrees Kelvin between the characters. Whenever they did go out to dinner, Barney (never coming to terms with his sexuality) always managed to find a reason to drag himself and Andy off into some misadventure (i.e. some gay rendevous).

Often times the male characters were yearning for the movie house of Mt. Pilot. The movie house is, of course, the thinly veiled bathhouses of Mt Pilot.

Other evidence of the shows strong embrace of a homosexual lifestyle would be these stereotypically gay (and single) support characters: Gomer Pyle (whose own spinoff was a slight to the military's homosexual exclusion in putting an actual homosexual in the USMC), Floyd the barber, Goober Pyle, and the gayiest of all - Howard Sprague!

Again and again during the show, plots involve these single characters with flamboyant traints are brought in to help out the straights. Other common plots involve bitch fights between two of the male main characters. The only guys to give that much of a damn about what another guy thinks is a gay guy.

I just don't have the time to delve into the symbolism of Barney Fife's Andy imposed single bullet allowance and the occasional shooting of himself in the foot. However, I think with these observations to jar you from the group think that made you believe this was a great family show, you can work it out for yourself. Now, with this knowledge, you'll know the show isn't black & white or color, but always lavender and rainbows.

Stay You.
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