Monday, March 05, 2007


I wrote the below - about my lack of faith yesterday in a 5-minute burst while I was on hold. 30 minutes later i took it down because it wasn't really true. I do have faith and am generally a positive person:
My kids? They seem to be so far down a good path that even if they do veer off a little, they'll be alright.
The stock market? I'm always positive there - in the long-term. At least for the U.S.
The GWOT? Yep. There too. Even if Barack or Hillary win. I just wish Bush would let the soldiers and Marines be the cold hearted kill-bots that they were always stereotyped as when I was a kid (or - when they returned home - psychologically irreparably damaged cry babies.)

I do have faith. But just not in the realm of my own personal paychecks. I have three general income sources (none of which is a trust fund) which is 2 more than most and 3 more than many. I do ok. Above average. But there's something not there. Or what is there is a whispering rasping voice telling me "This isn't going to last. You can't keep fooling them. It's all going away." I'm not sure who leased that guy a room in my brain or how to evict him, but he's been there awhile. He's painted the walls, hung up pictures, and made the place his own.

So here's what I wrote. It has the flavor of sophomore year cannabis inspired pop philosophy which I always eat up. Bon Appetite.

I've been thinking a lot lately about my lack of success and my inability to enjoy the success I have had. I've come to the conclusion that it comes from one thing - my lack of faith.

Faith. Me? I've got none of it.

It's a pretty big thing.

This isn't a religious post. I think many nonreligious, irreligious, and outright anti-religious people have faith - a belief that "tomorrow will be better than today". I've met plenty of horrible people with plenty of faith. They cheat, lie, and steal...and tomorrow will be a better day.

Now it might help if you've got yourself a structure in place developed over 5,000, or 2,000, or even a 1,000 years that you can lean on, but even just a lone man in the desert with a simple belief that tomorrow will be easier than today has faith. Now that tomorrow can be a few years off when the back broken sharecropper is welcomed into the arms of a loving Jesus or the day after tomorrow when Tel Aviv is finally flattened. But that's faith.

Faith is powerful allows you to take risks (I've taken few of those in my life). It allows you to go on. To persevere. It's the reason condemned prisoners get up in the morning and death camp detainees pick up the shovel.

Faith isn't something cooked up by pope or preacher man to pilfer flocks. It's not the "opiate of the masses". It's evolutionary. Even biological. It's a defense mechanism developed over millennium. Doubt me? Is depression biological? It think that it's been proven. What is depression but a simple lack of faith? That's the reason that nihilism never really caught on. And where it does catch on you see a depressive society. See those happiness surveys of Europeans v. Americans. I think those reflect a more nihilistic v. a more religious culture.

I think this was further seen when the commies tried to claim that faith is nothing more than an appendix - evolution developed it for something, but in this brave new world - it's no longer needed. Cut it out. Rip it out.

Yes. Faith is a necessary of life. And I've got none of it. Or at least not much. If I was born without a hand or with my brain wired up wrong I could at least get some help. I've gone to churches. I don't sit there and scowl with contempt. I'm open. I want the spirit to seiz me. But this is like a deaf man wanting hearing to descend from heavan and land as a tongue of fire in his ears.

Where do I go for a dose of faith?

Stay You.
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